must've got their name from the fact that we almost die everytime we have one. I have 60% of work that needs to be done in 2 days and here I am, writing blog post and eating while watching Keemikim King Crab Mukbang for her 2 years on youtube anniversary. As I'm watching this, I ask my self on what I want to do with my life. I have goals I have not yet to achieve, but then again, what have I done to reach it? I kinda re-evaluate my life a lot in deadlines. I don't know why. I'm thinking on how I could do better in working alone. I like creative work that needs my hands, that's why I love makeup as my medium. I don't really like the computer work, where I have to stuck alone with a laptop and just using mouse and keyboard to pour my ideas (except writing, of course). But deeper, I need pressure to kick me to go forward. It needs a strong will and persistent personality to boss yourself around. I can do this later, I can push it until tomorrow, bla bla bl...
I've kind of overcoming my insecurities of being afraid to be judged, about being nervous on talking to people, on being afraid to have friends. I kind of being good at not giving a crap and suddenly things got better. But as every major point of my life, when something feel like its going up hill, I should get ready for the heavy down fall that will follow. Usualy the down fall would just be me crying to my boyfriend and tell him how I feel worthless. But this time I'm afraid I will have some emptiness. I can feel it waiting for me right around the corner. After every social event or even small social interaction I'm feeling something's missing. I didn't left any of my things behind yet I feel something is missing. I'm afraid to fill that emptiness I might do something crazy. Something inhumane. Something merciless. I'm getting so afraid because my brain starts to think that it's something I can be okay with. I don't know. Maybe I just need...
Hari ini Gans lagi seneng gara-gara ada kerjaan di kantornya yang baru seminggu. Terus kalo kesenengan entah kenapa dia jadi rada bloso. Kita cuma lagi duduk aja becanda-becanda, terus dia nyanyi "Trabel trabel trabel, trabel trabel trabel Trabel trabel trabel, friends." Tapi pake nada abang tukang baso masi-mari sini. Dan dia kekeuh kalo dia lagi nyanyi lagunya Lenka. Sampe disetel lagunya dan gak ada nada yang kaya dia nyanyiin tetep kekeuh kalo itu lagunya Lenka. Bukannya aku jahat, Gans. Tapi itu dari liriknya aja udah salah ditambah kamu nyanyinya pake nada abang tukang baso -_-"
me?
ReplyDeleteMenurut eell?? Hahahahaha
ReplyDeletenice post !
ReplyDeleteGLISTERS AND BLISTERS