Midnight Wanders

Been reading Ka Fifi's blog for a week every night. Tonight I stumbled upon a post about Idul Adha and there's pictures of her family doing shalat, a moslem form of prayer. It's not a rare topic on her blog but tonight I just realized that I will be doing that soon. Time does fly so fast, it seems just like yesterday my mom asked me if I would convert to Islam because I finally have a boyfriend and he's a moslem. I said to my mom to not think about it that far, I was just two weeks into my relationship and I didn't know what would happen. I always say to my friend with the same question, I would voluntarily convert if he's serious. That means, if he is actually tying the knot for us. The day that I never knew when, came out of no where. We got both of our parents blessings, which put happy tears in my eyes. Before the blessings, every time I think about our future, about our relationship, it was always sad tears. I didn't know what my parents would say abou

I cried while telling him everything that could go wrong, he listened and said to me, "I understand". That's...somehow feels liberating for me. To have him understand what I want and trying to make it happen for me.

Unintendedly find this beautiful sentence in a movie review. It said, when traveling and you meet the right person, a day can feel like a life time. This simple words brings up so many train of feeling from five and a half year ago when I first met the love of my life. It was started as "just go with it" kind of relationship into I knew this is the guy I want to spend my life with in a matter of month that feels like an eternity. All those first moments we share together, getting to know each other's habits, those puzzling thoughts on wether he would like my habit, etc. Those times were short but I feel like I know him for eternity. Despite the usual arguments we had, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life time with him.

This time questioning my goals in life. I had one, I knew I had one. But lately those dreams were forgotten and ignored by my self. Nothing really keeping on my toes, nothing really new and no new world to learn about. Well, actually I have this entrepreneurial world I need to learn,but I don't have mentor to teach me what's good and bad. And actually I have my dad, the best entreprenreneur I have encountered in my life. Sometimes speaking to my self doesn't feel that useless.

I am awake in the middle of the night after taking the night early. Last time I woke up and felt like this is when I'm in university. I was doing my home work, mostly anything related to drawing and art-ing, if that even a word. Reason is I woke up with head full of responsibilities of my unfinished work. Working from home is definitely a new thing that I need some time to adapt. The working schedules and deadlines are in need of serious thinking. Well, maybe if I don't spend that so much time on watching youtube and day dreaming on making it as my regular but then quickly turned down by my own self of how I don't have any good background to do so, then I would actually do it. Cliche, cliche. I guess that is my problem, I day dream a lot. I am always dreaming about what could happen instead of how I can make it happen.