Should I or Shouldn't I?
Being a blogger has always been my dream. To post my daily life on the internet platform, to tell strangers how am I doing and what am I doing in the meantime. I don't know why but it just feel fascinating. To be yourself in front of thousands of people, made them think they know you inside out. I like the idea for being my self in front of everybody with the internet walls in between me and them. In reality, I tend to get nervous and clumsy and uncertain of my own thoughts, I nod at stronger people's view, I nod to avoid unnecesary arguments. Unlike the reality, internet has given me a chance to be confident of what I am and say what I want.
I also get inspired from blog who gave such an atmosphere, such an image of perfect life. They give me hopes to have a life like them too. To have pretty pictures and get my life recorded on the way I wanted it to be remembered. I know their life is not perfect too, I know there's no such thing as perfect life, but to build that way of thinking, to have pictures that's edited the way I want my life to is slowly driving me closer to that dream itself.
I have been blogging, on and off since 2009. For that long, some bloggers might get that perfect blog design and photo editing style, but I haven't. For 5 years I haven't found my signature photo editing nor have I found the perfect layout from my blog. I always thought "the time" of me to finally know my self better so I can make the design according to a "me image" will come. But unfortunately, that day will never come if I never try to develop the me I want. After realizing that, then comes so many question. Should I get my own domain? Maybe I shouldn't, there's many influential bloggers are still using the free blogspot domain since they started their blogging journey. They don't even use any personal favicon! Then why would an only ordinary girl would have a personalized domain? Such a cocky move.
For a brief moments I feel like I've already being well known. Making my self get a little arrogant. I thought my blogging opportunities are slowly opened up for me. But I was wrong. I'm still far from anything I would call achievement. I haven't had a strong online personality to be known for. I haven't got the bigger opportunities, not that I'm not grateful for everything I've received from my blogging experience. I'm just feeling stuck. I need to expand my horizon. That's why I'm trying to stick to any schedule I'm making for my self. A professional do what they best doing wether their in the mood or not and they can still make a masterpiece. That's something I'm holding on to. To push my self harder to develop my self better.
Another thing that has been bugging me is the way I think of my self. Sometimes when I write, I think if this makes me what I want people to think? Is this something I want to be known for? I think too much until I became someone I don't want to become. I realize that I'm can not lie, but I'm good at speaking, debating, and make my self always right. I realize this since everybody around me always say such thing as I'm always right (refering to how I always defend my arguments with logics and dodging arguments they might have while I insist that I'm right.) Haha. It can be good thing or a bad thing but I prefer to have it as a good thing.
Anyhoo, back to blogging thing. I then finally realize, they did what they want so they become what they are now. I need to do what I want instead of figuring out what anybody else would want. I need to know what I want & get focused with it. I can have role models but that doesn't mean I need to do what they would do. I just need to take their confidence to be who they are and so I can be my self. I believe every decision I made will lead me to where I want to be.
For the first step, I bought my own domain, eventhough it causing a huge decrease on my daily visitors but the heck with that! I blog to make my own remarks on this world, not to care about the visitors amount! (eventhough it's kinda important too). But when I lose everything, that's when I'm ready to get everything. I got nothing to lose to become my self, then so be it. :)
I also get inspired from blog who gave such an atmosphere, such an image of perfect life. They give me hopes to have a life like them too. To have pretty pictures and get my life recorded on the way I wanted it to be remembered. I know their life is not perfect too, I know there's no such thing as perfect life, but to build that way of thinking, to have pictures that's edited the way I want my life to is slowly driving me closer to that dream itself.
I have been blogging, on and off since 2009. For that long, some bloggers might get that perfect blog design and photo editing style, but I haven't. For 5 years I haven't found my signature photo editing nor have I found the perfect layout from my blog. I always thought "the time" of me to finally know my self better so I can make the design according to a "me image" will come. But unfortunately, that day will never come if I never try to develop the me I want. After realizing that, then comes so many question. Should I get my own domain? Maybe I shouldn't, there's many influential bloggers are still using the free blogspot domain since they started their blogging journey. They don't even use any personal favicon! Then why would an only ordinary girl would have a personalized domain? Such a cocky move.
For a brief moments I feel like I've already being well known. Making my self get a little arrogant. I thought my blogging opportunities are slowly opened up for me. But I was wrong. I'm still far from anything I would call achievement. I haven't had a strong online personality to be known for. I haven't got the bigger opportunities, not that I'm not grateful for everything I've received from my blogging experience. I'm just feeling stuck. I need to expand my horizon. That's why I'm trying to stick to any schedule I'm making for my self. A professional do what they best doing wether their in the mood or not and they can still make a masterpiece. That's something I'm holding on to. To push my self harder to develop my self better.
Another thing that has been bugging me is the way I think of my self. Sometimes when I write, I think if this makes me what I want people to think? Is this something I want to be known for? I think too much until I became someone I don't want to become. I realize that I'm can not lie, but I'm good at speaking, debating, and make my self always right. I realize this since everybody around me always say such thing as I'm always right (refering to how I always defend my arguments with logics and dodging arguments they might have while I insist that I'm right.) Haha. It can be good thing or a bad thing but I prefer to have it as a good thing.
Anyhoo, back to blogging thing. I then finally realize, they did what they want so they become what they are now. I need to do what I want instead of figuring out what anybody else would want. I need to know what I want & get focused with it. I can have role models but that doesn't mean I need to do what they would do. I just need to take their confidence to be who they are and so I can be my self. I believe every decision I made will lead me to where I want to be.
For the first step, I bought my own domain, eventhough it causing a huge decrease on my daily visitors but the heck with that! I blog to make my own remarks on this world, not to care about the visitors amount! (eventhough it's kinda important too). But when I lose everything, that's when I'm ready to get everything. I got nothing to lose to become my self, then so be it. :)
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