Hitting Low

Straight to the point, I'm in a moment of not knowing what I should do with my life. I'm in a point where I just think that everything I want would not be achieved and having everybody around me thinks that I do nothing just makes it worst. I know other people opinion doesn't matter, but I'm not in a good place right now and everything just seems wrong.

I'm jealous with other people who seem to reach their dreams without even trying that hard, I'm jealous of people who just seem like they have smooth ways on getting where they are.  I'm jealous but I don't hate them, I hate my self. I hate my stupid brain of not knowing what to do. Looking around, everyone just know what they want to do, they decided to do it and they get what they want. I damned my self, I damned my life, I damned my fate, I damned my indecisiveness, I damned my skill, I damned my thoughts, I damned everything.

Well, to be not that ungrateful, I do feel His blessings on me alright. He gave me enough to do what I want, but I want more. I want to be successful, I want to make my parents proud of me, I want people to see my worth, I want more. Maybe God thinks that I'm not ready, I don't know. Maybe God thinks I still am not good enough, I don't know. Maybe God wants to give me hard time to prepare me for what He has next for me, I wish it's all about this, but I dont't know. I don't know.

Comments

  1. CellaApril 17, 2018 at 12:31 AM

    Somehow, this is exactly whats on my mind. I feel youu Vaniii! *pelukpeluk*

    ReplyDelete

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