Midnight Wanders

I spent my time so much on thinking. My mind seems to love to just wander around in its own world. Wandering what have happen and what might not happen. It likes to seek answers for question it asks it self, not to others but to it self again. And sometimes those unanswerable questions, together with so many what ifs just sent me off to sudden headache. The next thing I hate after my monthly cramps. After jumping on so many unimportant subject, in one quiet night, I came up with a realization for things I just got blinded for quite a long time. After those quick awakening, I then made some resolutions for my self to be a better me. According to me. Realization: 1. I've been a bitch To everyone around me, especially my closest one. I guess it has something to do with my rapidly decreasing confident level. I take my work as a serious business. I take pride for what I do. All these barrier that blocking my way on doing things makes my confidence lay down low and I just fee...

I always love to drive at night. There's something feels so peaceful while doing it. I guess it's for the fact that the darkness kinda hide my self more from other people's eye. I find that darkness always brings the true me out. My muscles seems more relaxed. My anxiety suddenly dissapear and gone with the wind.  I'm the kind of people who likes to act based on people around me. This is how I cope with my social anxiety but another problem appears when I met different group of people that I treat differently. Now that's another problem.  After quite a moment on my long way home today, I realized that darkness is letting us to spot and highlight truly what we want to show. Like all those wispy christmas lights on december, or that spotlight for all of the great angel statues on rose gardens, or maybe just the way we put lamps on our porch close to the door so anyone knows where to enter. That's it. That's why I love darkness so much. I like ...

Tiba-tiba kangen suasana bengong di rumah sambil liat keluar jendele ke langit yang berawan. Kangen waktu pulang kuliah dan gak ada kerjaan kemdian bengong-bengong gak jelas. Kangen DVD marathon Grey's Anatomy sama American Horror Story. Kangen waktu awal jadian. Manis-manisnya, gemes-gemesnya, kangen-kangennya. :3 Kangen jalan-jalan ke kota kecil yang tenang dan lambat lajunya. Kangen

Well, my ID said that my religion is Budha, while my dad said we are a Confusius' followers. I get schooled in a catholic institution for my whole life and now I have a moslem boyfriend. I've never been in a serious learning about all the religion mentioned above but I've understand some basic. When you entitled for something you might or might not know deeply about it, you're counted as a representative for that matter. When you feel like you're a representative of some sort you grew the feeling of protecting them and you feel like you know them more than you actually do. I've come to the point where I understand that all religion means no harm to others. They all exist to give some guidelines to mankind so they have something to hold on to, something to reflect their lives to, something to give hope when all else have failed. Something I don't understand is how people use that guide line, a very peaceful one on the planet as many people think it i...

Sering banget denger pertanyaan itu. Dilemparkan ke orang lain tapinya, bukan ke gue. Seinget gue sih waktu kecil gue jarang banget ditanyain kalo gede mau jadi apa. Itu bagus brati bonyok gue bebas orangnya. Gak maksa-maksa gue untuk jadi sesuatu yang gue gak mau. Tanpa di tanyapun, gue udah bikin list sendiri mau jadi apa gue kalo udah gede nanti. Mau jadi tukang bunga, soalnya enak bisa liat bunga seger tiap hari dan gue suka bunga. Mau jadi FBI karena gue suka nonton reka ulang kejahatan, yang kejahatan di Amrik ye bukan kaya di Patroli yang gak berbobot dan tidak indah itu reka ulangnya, pengen jadi fotografer karena suka liat foto bagus, pengen jadi sutradara karena film itu bagus dan bintang film itu keren. Banyak yang gue pengenin sampe akhirnya nyemplung si sinematografi. Gue ini anaknya lemot, lemot banget, tapi sekalinya ngerti gue bisa bersilat lidah dengan hebat dan yakinnya sampe lu bakal berasa kalo argumen lu itu gak ada gunanya.  Dengan segala kegalauan gue se...

Being a blogger has always been my dream. To post my daily life on the internet platform, to tell strangers how am I doing and what am I doing in the meantime. I don't know why but it just feel fascinating. To be yourself in front of thousands of people, made them think they know you inside out. I like the idea for being my self in front of everybody with the internet walls in between me and them. In reality, I tend to get nervous and clumsy and uncertain of my own thoughts, I nod at stronger people's view, I nod to avoid unnecesary arguments. Unlike the reality, internet has given me a chance to be confident of what I am and say what I want. I also get inspired from blog who gave such an atmosphere, such an image of perfect life. They give me hopes to have a life like them too. To have pretty pictures and get my life recorded on the way I wanted it to be remembered. I know their life is not perfect too, I know there's no such thing as perfect life, but to build that way...

Hi Hello Have you recognize any difference in my look? Haha, bet you do. In the midst of my confusion and laziness, I decided to change the whole look on my second blog here. I changed my blog name from "Vanilla on Cream" to "Midnight Wanders" inspired by my latest post and my awakening of when I mostly write in here. I also change my URL from "popsoy.blogspot.com" to "dawnofmidnight.blogspot.com" I actually wanted to have midnightwanders only but some bastards has took it! But I have my connection to the new url nonetheless. And then I found a very nice and simple free blogger template at btemplates.com   loovvee this template so much for every reason! Mostly because it really suits this blog so well. Just a place to pour some confusing thoughts I can't share with no one. I decided to change the whole look and feel of this blog because I don't see it like a home now like I saw it before. I used to see this place as...