Midnight Wanders

Abis di tag video orang prewed sama si oneng, terus lagunya enak banget, sendu-sendu romantis, eh gue langsung baper. Abang lagi sibuk, lagi UAS ceunah, telponan jarang-jarang, telponan juga kasian liat mukanya stress. Semangat ya, Bang, bersusah-susah dahulu bersenang-senang kemudian. Sebelom lanjut baca setel dulu videonya buat jadi background music . Mellow nya juga bukan cuma karena pasangan aja sih, tapi hidup secara general juga bikin mellow . Di saat perasaan telat dalam hidup. Telat menemukan apa yang gue mau, telat mengejar apa yang gue mau, telat mendapatkan apa yang gue mau. Lingkungan semua mendukung banget tapi kalo lagi ngebandingin diri sama yang udah mulai duluan jadi sedih gitu, kayanya ketinggalannya jauh banget. Sedih sih, tapi kalo diem doang juga ga akan membawa gue kemana-mana. Harus usaha semaksimal mungkin melakukan apa yang bisa dilakukan. Pernah baca, cobaan usaha sendiri itu ada di 3 tahun pertama. Gue harus sabar dan gigih menjalani susah senang...

Kayanya udah lamaaa banget dari terakhir kali gue liburan. Selalu gak pernah jadi karena temen-temen gue rata-rata pada anak kantoran yang bisanya weekend, yang mana lokasi wisata itu jadinya rame, sedangkan gue gak suka yang rame-rame. Sempet juga mikir, kayanya duit gue abis mulu, jadi ga ada dana untuk liburan, tapi kalo dipikir-pikir, duit gue itu abisnya lebih ke barang. Gue mengisi kekosongan hati ini dengan barang yang happynya paling cuman seminggu setelah dapet, abis itu kosong lagi. Gue juga ngerasa udah keluar duit banyak banget sih buat beli benda-benda makeup yang memang buat makeup kit gue sih, tapi udah kebanyakan aja gitu. Mau nabung aja, duitnya buat jalan-jalan. Kalo ga ada yang bisa nemenin yaudah jalan sendiri aja. Butuh banget diem, bengong, menikmati waktu tanpa dikejar deadline atau mikir bulan depan dapet job apa gak. Hahahaha. Maklum freelancer, kerjaannya gak pasti, walaupun gue yakin seyakin-yakinnya Tuhan udah kasih rejeki bagi setiap insan manusia yang ada...

must've got their name from the fact that we almost die everytime we have one. I have 60% of work that needs to be done in 2 days and here I am, writing blog post and eating while watching Keemikim King Crab Mukbang for her 2 years on youtube anniversary. As I'm watching this, I ask my self on what I want to do with my life. I have goals I have not yet to achieve, but then again, what have I done to reach it? I kinda re-evaluate my life a lot in deadlines. I don't know why. I'm thinking on how I could do better in working alone. I like creative work that needs my hands, that's why I love makeup as my medium. I don't really like the computer work, where I have to stuck alone with a laptop and just using mouse and keyboard to pour my ideas (except writing, of course). But deeper, I need pressure to kick me to go forward. It needs a strong will and persistent personality to boss yourself around. I can do this later, I can push it until tomorrow, bla bla bl...

You treat me like I want to be treated; You love me like I want to be loved; You give me feelings I want to feel; You look at me like I'm your only source of happiness, the look I want to see. But, most importantly; You did it without me ever saying a word on what I want.

"The finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste it."

In love with someone by their personality rather than their appearance? Girls usualy fall in love through their ears, but as a visual person I always prefer to fall in love through my eyes. In fact, I got blinded by visuals although all other aspects are just not up to par, but I stayed for what I liked to see. I was looking for physical perfection although I know I'm not one, but meeting him changed my desire forever. I never knew that gentlemen are still exist in this kind of era. Well, at least not that I can find. I never knew I can be treated this nicely, this respectfully, yet still this lovingly. I never knew I could find a person that I can dive deep into his thought without me even trying. The way he speaks, the way he deliver his thoughts, it's far above my expectation. I didn't expect much to begin with, considering my past experiences, but he just blew my mind away. It was a boring chit-chat until I asked him about movies and he gave me list of movies I...

My brain shut down, I panicked, I lost all my trust, my love, my dream, my strength, my certainty, and my hope, all in one single moment. It's hard for me, to have all the positivity I have in life taken away altogether. I tried to cheer up, I tried to throw all the pain away. I thought it worked until my body told me I'm not. I'm not okay, my mind's not okay, my body's not okay. Took me over a month to get my period, sixth day in and I'm still bleeding like it's the first. I read a few articles, the only cause I can relate my self into is the stress. I'm in stress and I'm trying to hide it all away. I'm quite a close person, I don't really let a lot of people to come in and know all of my weakness. When the only person I show my self completely just went away and become a stranger, I've become vulnarable more than I've ever been. I was ready to throw everything away to be with him, but apparently, he wasn't. It got me to...