Mau jadi photographer dan/atau photo editor! HELP!!

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Deadlines

must've got their name from the fact that we almost die everytime we have one. I have 60% of work that needs to be done in 2 days and here I am, writing blog post and eating while watching Keemikim King Crab Mukbang for her 2 years on youtube anniversary. As I'm watching this, I ask my self on what I want to do with my life. I have goals I have not yet to achieve, but then again, what have I done to reach it? I kinda re-evaluate my life a lot in deadlines. I don't know why. I'm thinking on how I could do better in working alone. I like creative work that needs my hands, that's why I love makeup as my medium. I don't really like the computer work, where I have to stuck alone with a laptop and just using mouse and keyboard to pour my ideas (except writing, of course). But deeper, I need pressure to kick me to go forward. It needs a strong will and persistent personality to boss yourself around. I can do this later, I can push it until tomorrow, bla bla bl...
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Fears

I've kind of overcoming my insecurities of being afraid to be judged, about being nervous on talking to people, on being afraid to have friends. I kind of being good at not giving a crap and suddenly things got better. But as every major point of my life, when something feel like its going up hill, I should get ready for the heavy down fall that will follow. Usualy the down fall would just be me crying to my boyfriend and tell him how I feel worthless. But this time I'm afraid I will have some emptiness. I can feel it waiting for me right around the corner. After every social event or even small social interaction I'm feeling something's missing. I didn't left any of my things behind yet I feel something is missing. I'm afraid to fill that emptiness I might do something crazy. Something inhumane. Something merciless. I'm getting so afraid because my brain starts to think that it's something I can be okay with. I don't know. Maybe I just need...
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Gans lagi gans lagi..

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